More positive & less negative..please

I haven't been writing much because honestly I haven't had much to say that doesn't make me sound like a depressed whining baby.  Well I should say I haven't posted, because I have 2 post written out that just sound lame now that I go back and read them.

Ive just been so down lately and I don't know why.  I mean besides the whole waiting for a new liver/fatigue/pain thing.  Ive been in touch with a case nurse from the insurance company who called to tell me that she thinks I need more than just a nurse calling me every now and then.  Not sure what that means, but she wanted to find a more suitable program for me.  Maybe they have a transplant program?  I don't know. She also asked me how I am coping, which obviously I'm not doing to good a job at!

There has just been so much going on every time I stop, I start thinking about the challenges I'm up against.  I now have 4 transplant buddies that have gotten their gifts already and as happy as I am for them, I truly am happy for you guys, I'm left wondering how much longer I will wait.  I'm reminded of all the things I am waiting for.  Not just my liver, but other things in life that I wont bother getting in to right now.  I'm trying to dig down deep and be grateful for all that I have.  I have been spending as much time possible with my guys.  But I think we are all feeling a little grumpy and just keep feeding off each others negativity.  I have to finds a way to stop this before we all end up crazy!

Now that I think about it, I think I will allow myself one day to vent to you all.  Hmmm now what day? I guess Ill figure that one out.  I know I need to be more positive.  I have to keep moving forward.  But sometimes it feels like every time I move forward a wave of crap comes and knocks me on my ass.  And I'm back to the being bummed and grumpy.  Sucks! Need to find me some positive vibes.  Got any?