I haven't been writing much because honestly I haven't had much to say that doesn't make me sound like a depressed whining baby. Well I should say I haven't posted, because I have 2 post written out that just sound lame now that I go back and read them.
Ive just been so down lately and I don't know why. I mean besides the whole waiting for a new liver/fatigue/pain thing. Ive been in touch with a case nurse from the insurance company who called to tell me that she thinks I need more than just a nurse calling me every now and then. Not sure what that means, but she wanted to find a more suitable program for me. Maybe they have a transplant program? I don't know. She also asked me how I am coping, which obviously I'm not doing to good a job at!
There has just been so much going on every time I stop, I start thinking about the challenges I'm up against. I now have 4 transplant buddies that have gotten their gifts already and as happy as I am for them, I truly am happy for you guys, I'm left wondering how much longer I will wait. I'm reminded of all the things I am waiting for. Not just my liver, but other things in life that I wont bother getting in to right now. I'm trying to dig down deep and be grateful for all that I have. I have been spending as much time possible with my guys. But I think we are all feeling a little grumpy and just keep feeding off each others negativity. I have to finds a way to stop this before we all end up crazy!
Now that I think about it, I think I will allow myself one day to vent to you all. Hmmm now what day? I guess Ill figure that one out. I know I need to be more positive. I have to keep moving forward. But sometimes it feels like every time I move forward a wave of crap comes and knocks me on my ass. And I'm back to the being bummed and grumpy. Sucks! Need to find me some positive vibes. Got any?
