Back to the bottom

I'm coming up on my 1 year mark on the transplant list.  From the outside it seems like it was a breeze.  But on the inside I can feel the storm brewing.  I know this is just the calm before the storm.  Like back in FL when we knew there was a hurricane coming and everyone was at the store getting all their supplies.  Every one was smiling and playing nice, but if you looked closer you could see the fear in their eyes.  I put on my happy face.  I do what I have to do.  I live my life.  All while one little thing could turn it all upside down.

I had my hematologist appointment last week.  My INR is at a record low of 1.2.  And that's after a few days of being back on 10mg.  So now I am back up to my highest dose of 12 mg alternating with 10mg.  Hopefully this will help bring it up. The low INR makes my low MELD score make sense.  Right according to OPTN its <10, so I'm back to the bottom of the totem pole.  Not the greatest news, but I know it could be worse.

I kind of like it down here.  After all, I should be happy to not be so sick...right?  I am still "stable"  and all my other organs are doing good too.  I am so blessed to have this time with my family. I'm alive and living at home as comfortably as I can.  Sure beats being in the hospital.  Each day praying the Drs find my perfect liver.  But I also know that someday that will be me.  And I am so afraid of that day.  So for now I am just going to smile and be thankful for the health I have today. Today I am alive and that is worth celebrating. 

Here is to living life. Tonight hug your family and freinds.  Tell them that you love them and how much they mean to you.  Because tomorrow isnt promised. Life is a gift.  Live it then give it!