13 years ago

Day 10: Dear 16-year-old-me. Write a letter to yourself at age 16. What would you tell yourself? What would you make your younger self aware of?

Dear 16 year old me,

I wish there was a way to take away all the pain turmoil and confusion you are feeling right now.  Don't give up on the things in life you love the most.  I promise you one day you will look back and regret it.  Just stop.  Please.  Think about the choices you make before you make them.  I know its a crazy thought, but just try. There are such amazing things to come in life, you will see.  

What ever you do, choose your happiness over everything else.  There is a ball you want to kick.  Everyone is expecting you to quit.  Don't.  You love this sport.  Wake up!  The smile says your happy, but your heart wants something else.  Stop letting people hurt you.  Stop letting people think what they want about you.  And stop caring what they think.  All your life you have tried to keep everyone else from hurting that you have let it eat away at your own heart. Stop punishing yourself for everyone else mistakes.  This is not the life you chose, if you don't like it, change it.  You have come this far to let any of this bring you down.  

Stop pulling away from everything.  Cherish the time left with your real friends.  Enjoy just being a kid.  Spend more time at the beach.  I know you love it there.  Don't be so afraid of falling in or out of love. Try new things, good things!  You are young. Try to see things from his point of view.  Life has not been easy for him.  Forgive them now and save yourself some pain and sadness.  Be more patient with the little ones.  Its not their fault that you are raising them.  Its not your fault either.  Show them how to be kids instead of rushing them to grow up.  Teach them to be self sufficient instead of doing everything for them.  Make sure they understand that when you go away next year that you are not leaving them behind.  Acknowledge their fears and let them know that you will always be there for them no matter what. Family is family.

Just be present in life. You are so full of it.  You deserve to be happy too.  Go out there and live!

Love always, 

Your much happier future self!

** This was very hard for me.  I was in a bad place back then.  I had shut down and managed to forget most about that year and the one before.  That was the year I was voted "most likely to miss 1st period"  Underneath the photo it says:  Not pictured Kim Schilling.  I wasn't even in the class photo!  WTF Kim!!  I sucked as a 16 year old! I am so thankful and blessed to have come this far and still be somewhat normal!  Even with the craziness of liver disease and a pending transplant, life is amazing.  I'm glad I have learned to appreciate it!**