Liver Clinic

I had my follow up with the liver clinic on Monday and the week went downhill from there. Its just been another one of those weeks that I really had to struggle to get through.  It was hard to find the good.  It was hard to find a smile.  It was just hard.

Before I left for my brothers homecoming the first week of April, I got a cold.  Thankfully while I was in NC I was fine until that last day and I could feel that scratch in my throat.  A few days after getting home it hit me again.  Hard.  And now here we are the first of May and the only thing that has gone away is the fever.  I know a cough can stay around for a while, but this isn't just a lingering cough.  Its a clearing out the lungs, hacking, wet cough.  I have been praying I wouldn't have to go to the Dr, but tomorrow we are headed to the clinic.  Who knows, maybe they will just send me home and tell me to suck it up.  Maybe I actually have something. Sometimes, it just feels like I am always sick and I don't know the difference anymore.  According to the Dr at the Transplant Clinic, I just need to stop doing nothing.  I'm not bitter about that at all...

As far as my appointment went, it was pretty deflating.  I have gained 5 lbs in the last 7 months. And I knew she was gonna be unhappy about that.  According to my doctor I am to young to be sitting around doing nothing and now that the boys are both in school, I have plenty of time to do things.  Yeah like clean, cook, tend to the dogs and parent.  Some days even taking a shower is exhausting, but I'm pretty sure she has no idea what I'm talking about.  She also suggested I see the Psychiatrist about my anxiety. Been there, not sure I want to go back. I think I will just start running again. She also to me to see my primary doc about the cold.  But all in all, my liver is still hanging on. The polyps are not growing. And even with the clots and blockages, I am getting a good enough blood flow to my heart. I haven't gotten my lab results back yet but they will probably be the same as always. And I have more labs and another MRI scheduled for June. The hardest part of the whole appointment was hearing that I could stay in this condition for years or one day I could just go into liver failure. That is the hardest part about this, the waiting. Waiting for yellow eyes, ascites, more pain, heart or kidney failure.  I will never know when its going to hit, I just have to find a way to put that fear to the side and live my life. I know this, but sometimes I lose sight of it.

Despite it all, at the end of the day, I am still able to look at the life I have and be thankful.  Even with all the frustration and sadness, there is so much to smile and laugh about.  I have some of the most amazing friends and family.  Just today my friend brought me a get well jar over.  The peppermint tea was just what I needed. Man did it hit the spot.  Seriously, how thoughtful is this. Tea, Ricola, Garlic Pills and 3 dollars for a Hope for Kim band.

 

I guess its time to regroup.  Time to focus on all that I have.  Time to push myself past the limits that have been holding me back. But first, I have to tackle this cold or what ever the heck it is. Pray that tomorrow brings me answers!