Mom! What happened to your face?

I was going through old photos and came across this one.  I stopped.  Mostly because this was over 6 years ago and everyone has grown so much.  Look how tiny Alex is.  He was an old man baby for sure.  And all the boys are wearing red!  That was not planned!

I don't know if they knew how much I appreciated them going out of their way to stop by.  That first year was probable the hardest.  Life was a mess.  I was a mess.  I went to bed each night praying my eyes would open the next morning.  And then praying again when I woke up it was all a dream.  I would be healthy and happy and the boys would be the same.  

Then over my shoulder I hear, "Mom!  What happened to your face?!" 

What?!  Alex thought for a second and said, "I like your face better now?!"  Really son?  Nice but really?  Kids really have zero filter sometimes.

A few minutes later David walked by and asked "Whats wrong with your eyes?"  Bless his heart.  I love the man, but he is just as blunt as the rest of em.

I remember trying my best to find the strength for this visit.  I was weak and tired and in so much pain.  But I needed to see them.  I was mentally preparing as if this would have been the last time I saw them all.  I even put on make up.  Not that it did much good!

Does it hurt when they say things like this?  Nah.  Its not the most flattering photo of me.  Because really, look at my face.  I was struggling to fake it and it shows.  I'm pale as ever.  My eyes are red and blotchy. The smile doesn't reach my eyes. 

But I love it still.  I reminds me that I'm still here.  And doing much better than expected.  I have watched the boys grow into awesome young men.  The oldest one is starting High School and Alex is starting First. And see Anthonys face.  This was the first time the kid ever got his hands on a DS and he was instantly in love. We made it 3 years.  Three very long years before getting him his own too.  

-XOXO Kim