Getting back to my WHY

I have been on a bit of a self discovery journey these past couple of months.  Quarantine had me rethinking some of my life choices and questioning myself right down to the very core.  Its a crazy time y'all, and I am here for it.  Good and bad times.  Just like all of you.  I miss the way things used to be but took the chance to rethink so much while the world slowed down a little bit.  And thats when I realized I was missing a few things.

If you have been following me on Instagram you might have noticed a shift.  But Ive been pretty quiet online.  Even there, where I usually spend most of my online time.  But I just haven't had much to say.  I share here and there, but not like before.  At first I though maybe I was just uninspired.  Life has kinda taken a knee.  Ive been sitting back, learning and taking it all it.  Last summer things started to change.  In big ways.  The world.  Me.

I gave up meat.  Mostly.  I have had a few bites here and there but making that decision, wasn't the hard part.  The follow though has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.  David is always telling me how proud and amazed he is that I have done so well.  But to be honest, the only reason I have been able to stick to it is because, you guys, my head is so much clearer.  And mentally I feel so much better.  I can think straight and its awesome!

And then just for fun I thought well, if Im going to get healthier, I might as well go all in.   And I joined a Beach Body group.  This was a huge step outside of my comfort zone.  Like, I had to join a group, of other, much healthier women and be like hey y'all, can I play too.  I was so worried my weirdness was gonna show.  And then it turned out to be completely different that I was expecting and just what I needed.  Because it has been so much more than just logging workouts.  I have done more soul searching and self care in the last couple of months that I have in my whole life.  Im working on mastering this morning routine that sets up my day just right.  I have found out that meditation really does keep me grounded.  And love sharing my workouts with the group and encouraging and cheering for everyone.  

But I miss this space and sharing my story here.  Even if no one ever reads this, I know if 10 years I could look back, or the boys could look back and see how far Ive come.  I miss writing my thoughts out at the end of the day.  I miss knowing that someone just diagnosed with the same liver disease might find me and feel a little bit of hope again.  So, I want to put some of my new found energy somewhere, and I want this to be it.  

The hard part is that I have said this before.  And I fell back into my do nothing routine.  No posting, no sharing, no staying in touch.  I want so bad for this time to be different and since I am making changes in all the other areas of my life, why not this one too.  It will probably take a little while to get up and going again.  Blowing off the dust and clearing out the cob webs.  But the plan is to go int the new year with a plan. 

So what am I thinking?  Why.  I want to get back to the why.  Why I started this blog in the first place.  Why I loved sharing my life.  And the way people found, read and reached out.  I want to get back to sharing what life with chronic illness is like.  What its like having a rare liver disease.  How that plays into my life.  I still plan on sharing my menus, they just look a little different now.  These days I see more doctors, but not as often.  But I still want to share updates and "behind the scenes" of my life.  I want to share more awareness for not just my illnesses but others as well.  And I want to share some of regular life stuff.  Family life, books, pets, photography and my new health and mindset journey.  Its a lot to share, I know.  And if any big bloggers were to read this they would say "girl, needs to niche down and stick to one topic!"  But if any of you know me in real life you know that in the span of 5 minutes I talk about 50 different things.  So Im just going to keep it an authentic hot mess.  Just maybe a little more organized.  For now. 

So there it is.  Im putting it out there.  And while it may be a slow and steady comeback, Im excited to shake this space up and move in again.  And use it for more than keeping track of my weekly meals.  I would love to know if anyone has any ideas or suggestions.  Ive been out of the blogging game for a while. But Im jumping back in, with no floaties, because thats just how I roll! 

With Thanksgiving just passed, everyone was sharing things that they are thankful for.  I am thankful for this blog. For a space of my own in this big online world.  It has opened so many doors and brought so many amazing people into my life.  And Im looking forward to spending some more time around here.